Lets usher in the brand new 2012

Finally, 2011 has come to an end. A year full of explorations, experiences, happiness, sadness and memories. Each and every year, we'll have different experiences and when the year is coming to the end, we'll start thinking of new year resolutions but how many of us actually work towards the resolutions that we've made?

I've gained new experiences by studying away from home. Meeting new friends, becoming close friends, into relationships, falling out of love, joining clubs and societies, striving through exams, going on vacations and a lot a lot more. Thanks to those that have left a footprint in my life regardless good or bad one.

I haven't started thinking of my new year resolutions. Perhaps, I should start thinking now. Knowing that I'm always not satisfied with so many many things. But one thing for sure, studies is my top priority for the coming year. "Oh God, I pray that time will pass faster in the coming year and I pray that I will be able to pass all my papers successfully and also enjoy my very last year of uni life. Amen!" That's all I'm asking for myself. Other than this, I pray for health, wealth and happiness for each and everyone of my friends and family.

So where are u people heading to for ur countdown tonight? No matter u're spending time with ur family or friends, or perhaps ur studying a thousand miles away from ur family, I hereby wish all of u a Blessed 2o12. All the best in ur future undertakings and strive hard for whatever u wish to achieve, no matter its studies, career, family, relationships or so on. Break a leg people.

XoXo.
Alice

31/12/2012

怀念,可是再也回不去从前.

曾经我不可替代的全部 离开了.

曾经我过分珍惜的男人 失去了.

曾经我最怕失去的感情 结束了.

他离开了 我们结束了 我失去了 也不相信了.

怀念以前 怀念原来 怀念曾经

怀念以前的每一句我爱你

现在的每一句都是奢求

我知道你不可能再跟我说我爱你了

于是我明明很爱你可是连说爱你的勇气都没有

怀念原来你给我的每一次感动

我知道我现在做什么你都无动于衷了

以为你会回来 可是你没有

直到你连个人说明都改了 我才死心

怀念曾经你说过的每一个承诺

你说你跟我说过的话没有假的

每一句话我都当作承诺来听来记

我全相信 也包括到最后你跟我说的那句不合适

可是呢 你离开了 以前我都记得 你忘记了没有

你说让我相信你

你说永不终止的爱

你说你不可能放弃

你说心里只有我一个

你说你想好好的

你说你爱我千真万确

你说你喜欢和我一起憧憬未来

你说你在乎我你爱我

你说我的位置没人能替代

你说...

我说我爱你

可是后来你说了不合适 你说了再见.

曾经你是我不可替代的全部 从未想过要分开

你给我写的每一个签名说过的每一句话我都记忆犹新印象深刻

我从一开始就下定决心 可是还是结束了

我记得你跟我说过的每一句话。

我记得你说过你更需要我。

我记得你说过你就爱我。

我记得你说过谢谢让你遇见我。

我记得你说过咱俩不离不弃。

我记得你说过你会一直陪着我。

我记得你说过你爱我永不终止。

我记得你说过让我相信你。

我记得你说过亲爱的会一直在一起。

我记得你说过你不可能放弃我。

我记得你说过...

我记得你说过好多好多话。

每一句话我都印象深刻 每一句话我都记得。

也记得最后的那句不合适。

为什么没有以后了 因为不合适。

这句不合适我也当承诺傻傻的相信了。

因为我知道 你不会骗我每一句话都是真的。

那也包括这句不合适 这句再见。

可是过去的回不去。

回不去的就应该让它过去。

不怀念 因为我会泪流满面

不怀念 因为怀念也回不到从前

你知道么 我很不愿意离开你 可是还是和你说了再见

所以选择 不打扰 不相见 不怀念

这篇文章送给我曾经执着爱过的一个人

到现在 你依然不可替代 可是不是全部了

因为我知道回不去了 再爱你你也看不到你也不会接受

也许,你自己也忘了你从前所说过的一切.

I LOVE DAD

I’ve had hard times

But I’ve never been alone

I’ve had doubts and fears

But I’ve never been without

Someone to tell me

I could make it

I’ve had disappointment

But I’ve never been without

A good example to follow

I’ve had good days, bad days

And all kinds of days in between

But I’ve never been without love

And Dad, you’ll never be without it either

That’s how it is between a dad and a daughter

That’s how it is between us

You’re someone to be proud of

Because you’re a kind

and special person

Who puts others first

Thanks for loving and understanding

And for being the best Dad

I could ever have

I LOVE YOU DADDY

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY

WITH LOVE

Life Choices.

Life is full of choices
Make sure you pick the right one
Don't listen to the voices
Hear only yours and you have won

Many people will tell you
You need to change your looks
Don't take to heart their view
Fabulous bods are found only in books

There is only one voice
That you should listen to
It will help make the right choice
That is perfect just for you

Your looks are your own
Someone will always love you
You will never be alone
Look in the mirror and you'll see who

Letting Go

How do you walk away from someone you love

And take the road of friend;

Can you reroute the course you have taken

And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go

But inside me I know I must;

The times we've loved, the times you've left

My heart says stay but it's my mind I must trust.

I gave you all I had

I tried to make it last

But now all we have

Are memories from the past.

So look me in the eye

And tell me what you see

A girl so broke inside

Who's been through misery.

And now I’m moving on

With the pain that kills inside

But I’m starting to forget

By reminding myself, how you’ve survived.

We have shared so much together

Laughter, fun times, tears;

Yet sometimes we can't turn back time

We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy

And your soul mate you will find;

I know we each have one out there

Even if for now , only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you

May God's best come your way;

And on some quiet tomorrow

We will realize things were better this way.

I LOVE YOU <3

Such is Life

Ten days of holidays just passed like that.

It seems like I have not done anything beneficial in this holiday.

Spent most of the time with friends compared to the parents. Feeling guilty.

Did not even have time to rest peacefully and re-energize myself.

Was mentally distracted and tortured, feeling more exhausted than usual.

This is not a holiday, its a temporary break from the heartbreaking place.

Life is so unpredictable, man is so temperamental.

Mummy always say "Girl, Life is not a bed of roses."

This applied to all angles of life such as studies, work, relationships...

Predicting the outcome of a relationship is damn tiring.

Its never a hypothesis.

U gotta do the experiment to make the right conclusion.

It starts with only I Love U and ends with 1001 excuses.

Like it or not, U gotta accept it.

I guess, such is life.

Leaving home back to the heartbreaking place again tmr.

I was counting my days cant wait to go back to Uni in the past Feb.

This time around, its so different, Im so reluctant to leave.

Perhaps, I just don't wanna face the reality when I know I have to.

I cant be dwelling in the past when the other half has already moved on.

Well, so sad but its true. Again, such is life.

TWO is better than ONE

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

(The meaning of this song is never like what u've always said. It means two combine and became one not loving two is better than loving one.)

重感情的人有这种习惯

⒈ 总会把事情想得很长久

⒉ 喜欢黑夜 习惯晚睡

⒊ 很固执 不懂得放弃 但一旦放弃了就绝不会回头

⒋ 在别人面前笑得很开心 一个人旳时候却很漠落

⒌ 在陌生人面前很安静 在朋友面前胡闹

⒍ 喜欢写字 阅读

⒎ 莫名地孤单 无法抗拒的恐惧感

⒏ 不爱说话 很爱说话

⒐ 心情不好旳时候 却喜欢听悲歌

⒑ 容易满足 更容易受伤

⒒ 习惯了沉默 在沉默中爆发或者选择灭亡

⒓ 习惯保留自己 因为只有这样在离开旳时候 心才不会痛

⒔ 不相信童话 却一直期待会有个真正懂得自己保护自己旳人出现

⒕ 喜欢怀旧 之后感到深深旳寂寞 恐惧

⒖ 一点点事就胡思乱想 想到戏剧般旳吓人

⒗ 付出旳远远超过得到旳

⒘ 坐在电脑前 不知道做什么 却又不想关掉它

⒙ 觉得世界上每一个人都不可靠 但却还是那样地选择相信别人

⒚ 不习惯一个人莫名其妙地消失在自己旳生命中

⒛ 不喜欢等待 却总是等待

17.3.2011 - 12.5.2011

I've never expected this relationship to end so soon. I knew the existence of the problems not long after we were together. But we never take the problems seriously. We never wanna talk bout it and sort things out. In conclusion, this breakup is caused by the accumulated minor problems. Problems that we never thought of or we once thought its not a problem, for example characteristic, perceptions, liking and age has became our major problems now.

Talking about the problems, I used to think we're the same until we were together. The minor problem which I think we could make a change. The first difference is I'm a night person, u're always sleeping early. Whenever I needed someone to talk to or I need someone to accompany during the night, u'll never be the one accompanying me. I need to ask someone else to be with me. And u've told me before, u hope I can share problems with u rather then sharing it with someone else. How I wish I could but we will never have the chance to do this. We can never spend time during the day because we've classes and activities to attend. We're left with the night only. I felt like we're not in a relationship, we're more to a companionship. Some minor problem like u dislike me to saying u cocky, u do not like me to say "anything" when u needed my comment, u do not like me pinching u. Those problems I've started changing it. But still break up happened.

To me, the reason two person get together is because they love and cherish each other and they wanna spend the rest of their life together with the other half, doing things together happily, laugh and cry through the hard times and happy times, calling and texting randomly to see how is the another half doing. But u're not, to u, doesn't call or text, doesn't spend much time together and doesn't have lovey-doveyly act is not because u don't love me. I somehow agree with u, but not fully, if u don't even show that little bit of care how can I feel ur love, baby? U hate texting and calling, but we've done this ever since we knew each other and all couple does the same isn't? I don't need u to call or text me every min, just a few msges a day to keep me update about ur whereabout and how things are. This is act an act of care and love already. This is all Im asking for.

U hate answering questions. But I'm a person who believed there's a reason behind everything that happened therefore I wanna know every reason behind the problems and try to solve it. Even when we were arguing when we’re about to put a stop to this relationship when u're the one who asked for it, all I'm asking for is just the reasons for the breakup but u refused to answer. Everyone is different, the thing that u think is a problems, I might not think the same. I just wanna be clear of the reasons for this breakup. I guess I have the right to know it anyway. U said I don't even know the problems occur, sometimes it’s not I do not know. It’s because I consider it as a minor problem that can be solve but to u, its major problem.

Talking about age gap. U're two years younger than me. I once thought this is a problem but u assured me that age will never be a problem in this relationship. U told me age is just a number. But now, after knowing that ur mum dislike this relationship cause I'm older, u said u're confused and don't know what to do. I remembered u asking me what if my mum doesn't like u? I told u and assured u that I will try my very best to convince her since I'm the one who's gonna be with u. I'm sure our parents are understanding and they want us to be happy. But why when I asked u what u gonna do since ur mum dislike this, u cant assure me the same way I assured u? I'm sure my mum will feel uncomfortable with the age gap as well even its only two years, but I'm sure I can convince her and eventually she will accept u.

I do not know how many more unsorted problems we're having. Im writing this not because I wanna complain about u. I just wanna remember the problems that I faced in this relationship and I hope I can try changing these problems if we have the chance to be together again or I can make sure this will not happened in my next relationship if I have one. I told u that u should also make some changes in urself so that u could improve urself too but u told me u will never have a gf again. Let’s just see. Sometimes I wonder, is my expectation too high to be fulfilled? I asked around and most of them said No. They said these are the basic necessity couples must have. To me, all these problems that we're facing now is just minor problems and I will do whatever it takes to turn this around, but u think it's major problems and there's nothing we can do about it. Therefore, u think the best way is to call it off. No matter what happened, I still think that u're always good, lovable, caring and sweet. Just the ways we conveyed and defined love are different. U might not be reading this cause maybe u didn't know I've started blogging again. But it’s alright, most importantly u’re happy with this decision that u’ve made, just give me a few months, I will be able to get over it.

Can you see what I feel

Can you grasp my pain

Looking into my sad eyes

Do you know what I'm going through

Can you feel my agony

Hear me cry

Can you see these wounds

When you look into my sad eyes

Do you understand this

Can you see my tears

Falling in the dark

Can you feel my empty heart

See the damage done

Can you tell I'm falling apart

When you look at my sad eyes

( "This is what I've copied from ur blog. Why are u doing this to me when u know how pain is't to get hurt?")

Sweet Escape

Exam is so over, nerdy mode has been kicked out.

So now lets shout and usher in the party mode!!

But but but..since I did not do well for my Finance paper

so no matter how much I party, the nightmare will still haunt me.

God, all I'm asking for is a Pass Grade!! Please don't fail me. Amen.

It has been 3 months since I've left after CNY.

Now I'm finally back at home again. A sweet escape.

So nice to be home after such a long long time.

Its always good to be home, a safe and peaceful shelter.

A place where family bonding is created and relaxation is formed.

This time around, I will be home for only 10 days.

A lot of catching up need to be done with family and friends.

A lot of delicious food to be eaten and a lot of nice places to be visited.

Have not been so relax for a long time. Assignments and tests are killers.

But for now, all I know is I wanna spend time chillax and pamper myself.

E.X.A.M.I.N.A.T.I.O.N

Yes babe, bring on the NERDY mode..

Revising and doing practices is so in trend now..

When u step in the library, u breath the smell of tense..

Book is like the newest best damn thing..

Spell it E.X.A.M.I.N.A.T.I.O.N

Like it or not, u gotta sit through it..

Know it or not, time will never stop for u ..

By the time u realized it, it will be so yesterday..

So just go with it..

Break a leg people!!

"He who studies books alone will know how things ought to be, and he who studies man will know how they are "

-Charles Caleb Colton-

好想大大声的哭个痛快 :'''''(((((

BIRTHDAY

A cute bundle of joy was born on a very faithful day 28 years ago on the 3rd of May. She's my sister, Sue Mei. She is a handicap child but she's one of the lucky child that my parents never give up on her. They took good care of her and gave her the best that they could. She's a very happy and cheerful child. She's always very caring and helpful as well. other than that, she's always very optimistic too! We as a normal child could just easily give up on life when difficulties hit us but she's very very positive. She never give up easily. Sometimes, she will even comfort and give u courage in times of trouble. I LOVE HER VERY MUCH!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

This is a picture of my mum and my sis. See, she's always happy!

This is a photo taken last year during her birthday.

Another beautiful child was born on the 3rd of May 1989. Her name is Susan.

Susan and I were in the same college when we were doing our Diploma. She has been a great friend all these while. As she's the chatterbox in the class, our class has always been happy and happening. After our Diploma, I've decided not to continue in the same college and so we are separated now. But we're still as close as ever and even if we did not meet for quite sometime, that will not affect our friendship. She was supposed to come with me to Inti but due to some problems, she gave up. Or else we'll be roommate, schoolmates and classmates! I cant imagine the noise that will pollute the whole university.

Anyway, I would like to wish u HAPPY AND BLESSED BIRTHDAY BABE!! I will pray for ur dreams to come true, especially ur dreams of going to Korea and marry a Korean guy!! We will definitely travel to Korea together someday in the near future. I LOVE U !!

This is Susan. This photo taken when we were having our tea at a sandwiches shop.

I LOVE THE BOTH OF YOU VERY THE MUCH!

Love Myself

Pastor said

-Jealousy is an act u show to people when u're not happy or afraid of people trying to take away YOUR belonging.

-Envy is an act when u want to own something that is NOT belong to u or u cant afford to.

This is something that I've learnt from church today. I know I'm supposed to learn something else but this is something that sucessfully captured my attention. Who cares? As long as I did not fall asleep in the service.

This will be my last night here in Klang before I head back to Nilai. I hope this strong will of mine will go along with me wherever I go. I hope I wont be mentally weak. Thank God I came here and have enough time to consider things all over and came to realized not little things.

Most importantly, I realized that I should learn how to love myself more and always think for myself first. Sounded a little selfish but I guess this is what we supposed to do in order to deal with this materialistic world and also people who do not care for u.

Realized.

"I've grown to realized the joy that comes from little victories is preferable to the fun that comes from ease and the pursuit of pleasure."

-Lawana Blackwell-

I guess its the right time for me to take a break at this place now.

I met a good counselor and she guided me through my hard times.

I'm sure it is all God's plan. He brought me here and sent me an angel.

She opened up my mind, she widen my thinking and woke me up.

She talked by experienced and also supported her views with proves.

She made me realized how deep I've fallen and lost myself.

How miserable things can be when I'm this situation.

How mental torturing and suffering can that be.

At least now, I'm feeling much better and I know don't deserve this.

Anyhow, I will try to fix the unsorted puzzles again as I care.

But if this doesn't work out, I will pass it to God to deal with it.

你变了，我也变了。

我觉得我真的很花心。我能在和你的一个月里爱上了另一个人。我爱上了另一个你，爱上了一个我已经完完全全不认识的你，不再是以前我说认识的你。

Is this how u define LOVE?

With plentiful of sorrow and agony,

Hoping and waiting that u'll look for me.

I thought it supposed to be lovey- dovey.

I guess I have to deal with ur reality.

Real tears are not those that fall from the eyes

and cover the face, but those that fall from the heart

and cover the soul.

I miss the YOU that I've knew earlier

I often wonder is neglecting a common act of human?

Things that we would not mind dying for once upon a time, can be as tiny as a dust until we don't even realized the presence of that thing.

A love that is so hard to be owned can be just kicked out from the circle of love in a split second.

I guess time has slowly pull us apart. I don't feel the love as much as before.

I can still feel the heartbeat I used to have when I looked at u last time.

I can still hear the jokes and laughters that u've always created and left me smiling stupidly.

I can still remember how much u care bout me and comfort me.

And I will not forget how u never failed to stand by me when I needed u most.

I always believed that people changed from time to time and same goes for a person's feeling.

But I never expected this to be so fast. Things started changing when we started to be together.

Is't you who've changed or is't me who've been thinking too much?

U've started to complained bout my carelessness, my non- observant and my mistakes.

I know I can be blur at times but sometimes I chose to act dumb cause words that comes out from ur mouth can just shatter my heart into pieces.

Tiny little things u said can make me go thinking the whole day but I guess u will never know how I faced all these by myself.

U've told me before to share my happiness and sadness with u instead of sharing it with the rest, how I wish I could actually do that but ur time is so hard to be asked for.

I miss the YOU who will get angry whenever I push ur hands away when u try to hold mine.

I miss the YOU who said u miss me every second of the day.

I miss the YOU who not mind me nagging u cause u know how much I care.

I miss the YOU who are as sweet as candy and words that u said can melt me instantly.

I miss the YOU who always stick to me wherever I go and will never leave me to be alone.

I miss the YOU who will get angry for the little things that I've said wrongly.

I miss the YOU who always walked me to class and waited for my class to be over.

I miss the YOU who can memorize my time table without peeping at the piece of paper.

I miss the YOU who always send me text msged in the morning and night.

I miss the YOU who die die wanna change phone with me without changing the simcard.

Most of all, I miss how much u said u love and miss me and the way u kiss and hug me.

Someone had shown me this video called "Stranger, again" in Youtube. It stated that there are 7 levels in a relationship. I hope we're not at any of the last 4 stages. I sincerely pray that this relationship will workout somehow. I cherish this relationship so much and I hope all the effort I've invested in will not gone to waste. I do not mind how winding the way in the future will be, I promised to go through with u as long as u still love me. <3

Signing out.

2011 The Beginning Of A New Life

It has been quite a while since I updated my blog. I actually tried updating it for a time or two, but ended up deleting the whole thing, feeling boring and ran out of inspiration. I hope this will be a successful one.

Well, as most of u know, Im currently pursuing my Degree in Inti Nilai. It has been a while since I came here. 4 months passed just in a blink of an eye. There's so much happenings, so much memories and so much stories that I could not just tell it out here. In a shorter way to conclude this, I had a lot of fun here and still do. I would like to thank those who entered my life since I came here, U guys have always brighten up my days. I thought it will be a boring place surrounded by jungles but u guys have proved me wrong.

Some little play back moments when I just came. On the first day I stepped my feet here, I have the sudden urged to run back into the car to follow my parents home. All these while, I have been staying home even when I was doing my Diploma. I know I can overcome homesick in a snap of fingers but still the feeling of waking my siblings up early in the morning, hugging and saying good bye to them, looking at those tears rolling down from my maid's face, I told myself, I have to hold on my tears and tell them I will be fine. All the way from Kuantan to Nilai, there are hundreds and thousands of questions running in my mind. Whether I have made the right decision to come here after so many researches have been done? Whether I have made the right choice of pursuing this course? Whether it is the right choice to let go of my dreams of studying abroad?

When we arrived, I went and registered myself and made all the payments. There are so many new and strange faces. How I wish I have at least one friend to be at my side on that very moment. After checking into the room, my parents walked their way to the car and headed home. This moment I shall remember forever. I tried to hold my tears again but I failed. Hugging parents isn't a practice in my family. But this time around, I hugged my parents so tightly before the left, my mum started shedding tears and I couldn't control myself too. My dad being the strong one, trying to cheer us up but I can see the sadness in his eyes, he was sad too.

After they left, I went to an activity called OLE that have been planned by the uni. An ice breaking activity. This is where I got to know so many friends and they are the ones who have been going through all the ups and downs with me until today. We spent most of the time having breakfast, lunch, dinner and also supper together. We planned our own games and tell stories of our own. Few days later, classes started and everyone have their own schedule and some of us have slided away from the group. But I guess, this is life, people come people go. But once a friend, forever it will be. Sometimes, we do meet up for games and food. As most of you know, my birthday is on the first month of the year, I thought I will have to celebrate a lonely 21st Birthday myself but my new friends have proved me wrong. They celebrated my birthday with me, special thank to all of you. You know who you are! Thank you. We also planned a few outings together and we had loads of fun. We will continue on planning more outings as some of the friends are going abroad soon.

Im running out of inspirations! Lastly, I would like to introduce this someone whom I've met here. He was in my group during the OLE and we started being friends and he always made sure that I have companion all the time because he knew that I am all alone here without having any friend at the beginning. He also introduced his friends to me and we spent most of the time together until today. I have chosen him to be with me in my future undertakings! I hope that this relationship will be an everlasting one. <3

Will try to update more often if I have the time and inspiration. More photos will be uploaded when I have time. Signing out for now. Xoxo!!