Realized.

"I've grown to realized the joy that comes from little victories is preferable to the fun that comes from ease and the pursuit of pleasure."

-Lawana Blackwell-

I guess its the right time for me to take a break at this place now.

I met a good counselor and she guided me through my hard times.

I'm sure it is all God's plan. He brought me here and sent me an angel.

She opened up my mind, she widen my thinking and woke me up.

She talked by experienced and also supported her views with proves.

She made me realized how deep I've fallen and lost myself.

How miserable things can be when I'm this situation.

How mental torturing and suffering can that be.

At least now, I'm feeling much better and I know don't deserve this.

Anyhow, I will try to fix the unsorted puzzles again as I care.

But if this doesn't work out, I will pass it to God to deal with it.

你变了，我也变了。

我觉得我真的很花心。我能在和你的一个月里爱上了另一个人。我爱上了另一个你，爱上了一个我已经完完全全不认识的你，不再是以前我说认识的你。

Is this how u define LOVE?

With plentiful of sorrow and agony,

Hoping and waiting that u'll look for me.

I thought it supposed to be lovey- dovey.

I guess I have to deal with ur reality.

Real tears are not those that fall from the eyes

and cover the face, but those that fall from the heart

and cover the soul.

I miss the YOU that I've knew earlier

I often wonder is neglecting a common act of human?

Things that we would not mind dying for once upon a time, can be as tiny as a dust until we don't even realized the presence of that thing.

A love that is so hard to be owned can be just kicked out from the circle of love in a split second.

I guess time has slowly pull us apart. I don't feel the love as much as before.

I can still feel the heartbeat I used to have when I looked at u last time.

I can still hear the jokes and laughters that u've always created and left me smiling stupidly.

I can still remember how much u care bout me and comfort me.

And I will not forget how u never failed to stand by me when I needed u most.

I always believed that people changed from time to time and same goes for a person's feeling.

But I never expected this to be so fast. Things started changing when we started to be together.

Is't you who've changed or is't me who've been thinking too much?

U've started to complained bout my carelessness, my non- observant and my mistakes.

I know I can be blur at times but sometimes I chose to act dumb cause words that comes out from ur mouth can just shatter my heart into pieces.

Tiny little things u said can make me go thinking the whole day but I guess u will never know how I faced all these by myself.

U've told me before to share my happiness and sadness with u instead of sharing it with the rest, how I wish I could actually do that but ur time is so hard to be asked for.

I miss the YOU who will get angry whenever I push ur hands away when u try to hold mine.

I miss the YOU who said u miss me every second of the day.

I miss the YOU who not mind me nagging u cause u know how much I care.

I miss the YOU who are as sweet as candy and words that u said can melt me instantly.

I miss the YOU who always stick to me wherever I go and will never leave me to be alone.

I miss the YOU who will get angry for the little things that I've said wrongly.

I miss the YOU who always walked me to class and waited for my class to be over.

I miss the YOU who can memorize my time table without peeping at the piece of paper.

I miss the YOU who always send me text msged in the morning and night.

I miss the YOU who die die wanna change phone with me without changing the simcard.

Most of all, I miss how much u said u love and miss me and the way u kiss and hug me.

Someone had shown me this video called "Stranger, again" in Youtube. It stated that there are 7 levels in a relationship. I hope we're not at any of the last 4 stages. I sincerely pray that this relationship will workout somehow. I cherish this relationship so much and I hope all the effort I've invested in will not gone to waste. I do not mind how winding the way in the future will be, I promised to go through with u as long as u still love me. <3

Signing out.

2011 The Beginning Of A New Life

It has been quite a while since I updated my blog. I actually tried updating it for a time or two, but ended up deleting the whole thing, feeling boring and ran out of inspiration. I hope this will be a successful one.

Well, as most of u know, Im currently pursuing my Degree in Inti Nilai. It has been a while since I came here. 4 months passed just in a blink of an eye. There's so much happenings, so much memories and so much stories that I could not just tell it out here. In a shorter way to conclude this, I had a lot of fun here and still do. I would like to thank those who entered my life since I came here, U guys have always brighten up my days. I thought it will be a boring place surrounded by jungles but u guys have proved me wrong.

Some little play back moments when I just came. On the first day I stepped my feet here, I have the sudden urged to run back into the car to follow my parents home. All these while, I have been staying home even when I was doing my Diploma. I know I can overcome homesick in a snap of fingers but still the feeling of waking my siblings up early in the morning, hugging and saying good bye to them, looking at those tears rolling down from my maid's face, I told myself, I have to hold on my tears and tell them I will be fine. All the way from Kuantan to Nilai, there are hundreds and thousands of questions running in my mind. Whether I have made the right decision to come here after so many researches have been done? Whether I have made the right choice of pursuing this course? Whether it is the right choice to let go of my dreams of studying abroad?

When we arrived, I went and registered myself and made all the payments. There are so many new and strange faces. How I wish I have at least one friend to be at my side on that very moment. After checking into the room, my parents walked their way to the car and headed home. This moment I shall remember forever. I tried to hold my tears again but I failed. Hugging parents isn't a practice in my family. But this time around, I hugged my parents so tightly before the left, my mum started shedding tears and I couldn't control myself too. My dad being the strong one, trying to cheer us up but I can see the sadness in his eyes, he was sad too.

After they left, I went to an activity called OLE that have been planned by the uni. An ice breaking activity. This is where I got to know so many friends and they are the ones who have been going through all the ups and downs with me until today. We spent most of the time having breakfast, lunch, dinner and also supper together. We planned our own games and tell stories of our own. Few days later, classes started and everyone have their own schedule and some of us have slided away from the group. But I guess, this is life, people come people go. But once a friend, forever it will be. Sometimes, we do meet up for games and food. As most of you know, my birthday is on the first month of the year, I thought I will have to celebrate a lonely 21st Birthday myself but my new friends have proved me wrong. They celebrated my birthday with me, special thank to all of you. You know who you are! Thank you. We also planned a few outings together and we had loads of fun. We will continue on planning more outings as some of the friends are going abroad soon.

Im running out of inspirations! Lastly, I would like to introduce this someone whom I've met here. He was in my group during the OLE and we started being friends and he always made sure that I have companion all the time because he knew that I am all alone here without having any friend at the beginning. He also introduced his friends to me and we spent most of the time together until today. I have chosen him to be with me in my future undertakings! I hope that this relationship will be an everlasting one. <3

Will try to update more often if I have the time and inspiration. More photos will be uploaded when I have time. Signing out for now. Xoxo!!