Saturday, May 14, 2011

17.3.2011 - 12.5.2011

I've never expected this relationship to end so soon. I knew the existence of the problems not long after we were together. But we never take the problems seriously. We never wanna talk bout it and sort things out. In conclusion, this breakup is caused by the accumulated minor problems. Problems that we never thought of or we once thought its not a problem, for example characteristic, perceptions, liking and age has became our major problems now.

Talking about the problems, I used to think we're the same until we were together. The minor problem which I think we could make a change. The first difference is I'm a night person, u're always sleeping early. Whenever I needed someone to talk to or I need someone to accompany during the night, u'll never be the one accompanying me. I need to ask someone else to be with me. And u've told me before, u hope I can share problems with u rather then sharing it with someone else. How I wish I could but we will never have the chance to do this. We can never spend time during the day because we've classes and activities to attend. We're left with the night only. I felt like we're not in a relationship, we're more to a companionship. Some minor problem like u dislike me to saying u cocky, u do not like me to say "anything" when u needed my comment, u do not like me pinching u. Those problems I've started changing it. But still break up happened.

To me, the reason two person get together is because they love and cherish each other and they wanna spend the rest of their life together with the other half, doing things together happily, laugh and cry through the hard times and happy times, calling and texting randomly to see how is the another half doing. But u're not, to u, doesn't call or text, doesn't spend much time together and doesn't have lovey-doveyly act is not because u don't love me. I somehow agree with u, but not fully, if u don't even show that little bit of care how can I feel ur love, baby? U hate texting and calling, but we've done this ever since we knew each other and all couple does the same isn't? I don't need u to call or text me every min, just a few msges a day to keep me update about ur whereabout and how things are. This is act an act of care and love already. This is all Im asking for.

U hate answering questions. But I'm a person who believed there's a reason behind everything that happened therefore I wanna know every reason behind the problems and try to solve it. Even when we were arguing when we’re about to put a stop to this relationship when u're the one who asked for it, all I'm asking for is just the reasons for the breakup but u refused to answer. Everyone is different, the thing that u think is a problems, I might not think the same. I just wanna be clear of the reasons for this breakup. I guess I have the right to know it anyway. U said I don't even know the problems occur, sometimes it’s not I do not know. It’s because I consider it as a minor problem that can be solve but to u, its major problem.

Talking about age gap. U're two years younger than me. I once thought this is a problem but u assured me that age will never be a problem in this relationship. U told me age is just a number. But now, after knowing that ur mum dislike this relationship cause I'm older, u said u're confused and don't know what to do. I remembered u asking me what if my mum doesn't like u? I told u and assured u that I will try my very best to convince her since I'm the one who's gonna be with u. I'm sure our parents are understanding and they want us to be happy. But why when I asked u what u gonna do since ur mum dislike this, u cant assure me the same way I assured u? I'm sure my mum will feel uncomfortable with the age gap as well even its only two years, but I'm sure I can convince her and eventually she will accept u.

I do not know how many more unsorted problems we're having. Im writing this not because I wanna complain about u. I just wanna remember the problems that I faced in this relationship and I hope I can try changing these problems if we have the chance to be together again or I can make sure this will not happened in my next relationship if I have one. I told u that u should also make some changes in urself so that u could improve urself too but u told me u will never have a gf again. Let’s just see. Sometimes I wonder, is my expectation too high to be fulfilled? I asked around and most of them said No. They said these are the basic necessity couples must have. To me, all these problems that we're facing now is just minor problems and I will do whatever it takes to turn this around, but u think it's major problems and there's nothing we can do about it. Therefore, u think the best way is to call it off. No matter what happened, I still think that u're always good, lovable, caring and sweet. Just the ways we conveyed and defined love are different. U might not be reading this cause maybe u didn't know I've started blogging again. But it’s alright, most importantly u’re happy with this decision that u’ve made, just give me a few months, I will be able to get over it.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Can you see what I feel

Can you grasp my pain

Looking into my sad eyes

Do you know what I'm going through

Can you feel my agony

Hear me cry

Can you see these wounds

When you look into my sad eyes

Do you understand this

Can you see my tears

Falling in the dark

Can you feel my empty heart

See the damage done

Can you tell I'm falling apart

When you look at my sad eyes


( "This is what I've copied from ur blog. Why are u doing this to me when u know how pain is't to get hurt?")

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Sweet Escape

Exam is so over, nerdy mode has been kicked out.
So now lets shout and usher in the party mode!!
But but but..since I did not do well for my Finance paper
so no matter how much I party, the nightmare will still haunt me.
God, all I'm asking for is a Pass Grade!! Please don't fail me. Amen.

It has been 3 months since I've left after CNY.
Now I'm finally back at home again. A sweet escape.
So nice to be home after such a long long time.
Its always good to be home, a safe and peaceful shelter.
A place where family bonding is created and relaxation is formed.

This time around, I will be home for only 10 days.
A lot of catching up need to be done with family and friends.
A lot of delicious food to be eaten and a lot of nice places to be visited.
Have not been so relax for a long time. Assignments and tests are killers.
But for now, all I know is I wanna spend time chillax and pamper myself.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

E.X.A.M.I.N.A.T.I.O.N


Yes babe, bring on the NERDY mode..
Revising and doing practices is so in trend now..
When u step in the library, u breath the smell of tense..
Book is like the newest best damn thing..
Spell it E.X.A.M.I.N.A.T.I.O.N
Like it or not, u gotta sit through it..
Know it or not, time will never stop for u ..
By the time u realized it, it will be so yesterday..
So just go with it..
Break a leg people!!



"He who studies books alone will know how things ought to be, and he who studies man will know how they are "
-Charles Caleb Colton-



Tuesday, May 3, 2011

好想大大声的哭个痛快 :'''''(((((

BIRTHDAY

A cute bundle of joy was born on a very faithful day 28 years ago on the 3rd of May. She's my sister, Sue Mei. She is a handicap child but she's one of the lucky child that my parents never give up on her. They took good care of her and gave her the best that they could. She's a very happy and cheerful child. She's always very caring and helpful as well. other than that, she's always very optimistic too! We as a normal child could just easily give up on life when difficulties hit us but she's very very positive. She never give up easily. Sometimes, she will even comfort and give u courage in times of trouble. I LOVE HER VERY MUCH!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!


This is a picture of my mum and my sis. See, she's always happy!


This is a photo taken last year during her birthday.


Another beautiful child was born on the 3rd of May 1989. Her name is Susan.

Susan and I were in the same college when we were doing our Diploma. She has been a great friend all these while. As she's the chatterbox in the class, our class has always been happy and happening. After our Diploma, I've decided not to continue in the same college and so we are separated now. But we're still as close as ever and even if we did not meet for quite sometime, that will not affect our friendship. She was supposed to come with me to Inti but due to some problems, she gave up. Or else we'll be roommate, schoolmates and classmates! I cant imagine the noise that will pollute the whole university.

Anyway, I would like to wish u HAPPY AND BLESSED BIRTHDAY BABE!! I will pray for ur dreams to come true, especially ur dreams of going to Korea and marry a Korean guy!! We will definitely travel to Korea together someday in the near future. I LOVE U !!

This is Susan. This photo taken when we were having our tea at a sandwiches shop.




I LOVE THE BOTH OF YOU VERY THE MUCH!


Sunday, May 1, 2011

Love Myself

Pastor said
-Jealousy is an act u show to people when u're not happy or afraid of people trying to take away YOUR belonging.
-Envy is an act when u want to own something that is NOT belong to u or u cant afford to.

This is something that I've learnt from church today. I know I'm supposed to learn something else but this is something that sucessfully captured my attention. Who cares? As long as I did not fall asleep in the service.

This will be my last night here in Klang before I head back to Nilai. I hope this strong will of mine will go along with me wherever I go. I hope I wont be mentally weak. Thank God I came here and have enough time to consider things all over and came to realized not little things.

Most importantly, I realized that I should learn how to love myself more and always think for myself first. Sounded a little selfish but I guess this is what we supposed to do in order to deal with this materialistic world and also people who do not care for u.